Legend of Zelda: The S Files
by KoalaKiller
Summary: Yuri themes, MaLinZel! Magic within the right hands can be quite useful, but sometimes things just go plain... silly.


The Legend of Zelda: The S Files

Author: KoalaKiller Rated: L for Lime, S for Slly and N for Not Again...

Disclaimer:  
I don't own anything when it comes to Zelda, just the warped storyline that my twisted mind thought up one lonely night...

(Timeline: Post OoT)

Another uneventful day had passed within the lands of Hyrule as the golden glode in the sky disappeared in the west, east, whatever. The view could be quite beautiful with just the right cloud cover and this find evening a certain Princess of the Hylians was viewing this sight on her private balcony.

Though the young woman enjoyed the view of the setting sun, other matters were pressing on her mind, mainly on the young man who was currently making his way to her bedchambers.

How did she know this without her faithful guardian and loyal slave? Well she did have a great view of the castle grounds after all, it made for a nice place to perv.

He's taking his time coming up here though, thought the Princess, tapping her finger on the railing while she hummed an-too familiar theme.

Probably ran into her on the way up, she nodded to herself, and knowing her she'll try to convince him again that his actions tonight won't be a good idea.

The 'her' as the blonde had put it, was the Princess's new personal assistant and loyal slave (Impa's words, not the Princess's). Sadly for the Princess, she couldn't get her to work for her full time as the girl had other duties that couldn't be ignored.

And the reason for her assistant trying to stop a possible suitor was easy to guess if you knew the Princess's little dark secret.

And who was this brave, young and at times goddesses-almighty clueless? Well I'll give you three guesses and if you need more then just one then go play the stupid game again you moron.

Knock Knock Went the THINK wooden door.

"Speak of the cluless devil..." Zelda murmured to herself, as she turned to enter the main room of her sute, "Enter." She called out with a strong voice, those damn think stone walls were great for certain things but they did their job too well at times...

The creek of the chamber door opening and then closing greeted her pointy ears as she sat down on the edge of the large bed, her hands smoothing out the fabric of her royal robe.

"So you've finally gotten enough courage to come to my chamber after all this time, Hero?" The Princess stared up at the young man, suited in his classic green garb but for once without any pointy objects strapped to his person, "though I'm guessing she gave you a hard time in getting you to retrack your claim you made last month to me."

"Well Princess," He licked his lips nervously, his eyes unable to stop from scanning Zelda's figure from top to bottom, "I told her I had made up my mind now that everything had settled down after all the rebuilding and stuff." He had noted that the soon-to-be Queen was very calm about what was, well hopefully, to come tonight.

"Even though after all the pain my quest put you through? Not to mention the lost years that you will never regain now that the door to the Past is closed?" She raised an golden eyebrow, wanting to know if he truly wanted to do this.

And the little secret she held? That was another story (No, its in this story!) altogether which would prove to be a little... sticky to handle.

Standing now in front of the woman, Link looked down at her slim figure, frowning as he thought on those topics, "I've never been one to hate people, Zelda. What you did was what you thought was for the best. Though some of the things I went through will haunt me forever." He then put his hands on her shoulders, finishing off with, "But Hyrule needs two strong rulers now and if you let me I'll be at your side to help put this land back together." Well, he thought, minus a few pieces here and there...

Well he is pretty serious about this choice of his, thought the Princess as she stared into his blue eyes, though the true test is yet to come...

"Alright Link, I accept your offer though first..." She stood up, their bodies touching lightly, "There is one more thing I think you should know about myself that only one or two others know about." Then see if you still want to be King after that, Fairy Boy. Zelda had to smile at those two last words as she opened the front of her robe and exposed her modest bosom to the Hero.

"Whoa!" Link gasped as she took one of his hands and placed it on one of her pale, perky breasts, "you move fast... but what is this secret you've been hiding?" The young man couldn't help but sink his fingers gently into the firm boob, enjoying the feel of it in his hand.

"My secret..." She whrispered as she took his other hand and placed it on her stomach, "is down there." She moaned as the Hero applied more pressure to her tit.

Link let the Princess drag his other hand down her body knowing where it was going, but the Hero was quickly in for a BIG surprise once it had reached its goal.

"So what do you think of that?" She murmured to him as his hand grasped onto an object that shouldn't be down there.

"What the..!" He found his hand wrapping around something that he recognise but was stunned to find it between Zelda's legs. "Wha!"

"Now you know why I've been so reluctant to find a suitor." Hummed the Princess in pleasure as she enjoyed the way Link seemed to grope her groin in a mad panicked sort of way, "and no, you'll not going to find it or anything else female I'm sad to say." Zelda sighed.

Finally letting go of the fleshly rod, and stepping back a pace, Link just stood there stunned while the Princess closed her robe in front to hide her 'shme'.

"bu-bu-bu-...How?" Link stared at her, his mind numb with shock and a possible case of brain-damage.

"It's a long and tragic story..." Zelda sat back down on the bed, sighing dramatically as she clasped her hands together in her lap.

"All she did was put on a silly mask that made her male but screwed up when she tried to reverse the Mask's spell. So now she stuck as a freak." A feminine voice stopped any further storytelling, a voice that was very familiar to the both of them.

Coming from the outer room of Zelda's chamber, Malon Lon came into view wearing a simple form fitting dress. "And Link, you should've listened to me so you wouldn't be right now freaked out."

The Hylian Princess frowned at her assistant, "That's nice of you to say, considering what I've done for you Miss Cowgirl...?" She let the sentence trail off as she watched the red-haired young woman cheeks redden, "I doubt you would like to let your own secret, hmmm?"

"Let's just focus on one shocking development at a time, huh Princess?" The redhead moved passed the stunned Link to sit next to the blonde woman, "And you might want to take a seat too, FAIRY BOY." Malon lips curled slightly into a smile as she watched her old friend's red face.

'Wha...HEY!" Link shot Malon a glare as he watched the farm maiden lightly pat Zelda lap, "That's not funny!"

"Children..." Zelda sighed in annoyance, "can we PLEASE get this over with?" Both became quiet as Zelda cleared her throat.

"As I was saying, Link," The Princess continued on, ignoring Malon's hand on her thigh, "It's a tragic thing, really, that the only female of the royal family now cannot give birth to the next heir," She ignored the softly mumbled remarks from Malon and said to Link, "And as Malon said, it was a special Mask that Impa had given me shortly after we had reached a safe location away from Gannondorf." She then sighed deeply.

"We still don't know why the magic didn't totally return my body back to normal. For some reason, the only part of my body that isn't female is my groin area."

Malon was about to say something, most likely to tease the Princess but closed it as she felt the heat of Zelda's glare.

"MmmMmm, okay," Link nodded slowly, "So in other words, you're freak." The glare was then turned on him from the Princess, a faint battle aura could been seen if you looked carefully.

"She doesn't like that word much," Malon remarked, glacing at the blonde woman, "I rarely say it as obviously it's a touchy subject when someone new finds out about her condition."

"And how did you find out, little red?" Link raised an eyebrow, finally starting to find his shaking hand had finally stopped, the same hand that had touched a certain fleshly rod.

Malon and Zelda exchanged glances at that question, both knowing it would come up but a little hesitant in answering it.

"The short story of it," Malon finally spoke up, "I met Sheik the stylish Shiekah during the Imprisonment War, and well," She shrugged her slim shoulders casually, "I was I believe around 15 maybe when we first met and I was a lonely teenage girl and all..." She smiled at some distant, probably perverted if you asked Impa, fond memory.

Link just stared back at the two females in surprise, not knowing what to say to learning the two had been in a strange relationship for a number of years without him even knowing.

"Yes Link, your that clueless." Zelda couldn't help but smirk as she seemed to guess what was going through his mind, "and yes, Malon is still my bed partner even though she now knows who I am really... and what I am now."

Link sat there for a moment, his mind spinning and doing some lovely twists and loops as he pondered all the new information that he had just received, then suddenly and looked at Malon questionly.

"And that secret Zelda mentioned? Or was that it?" The redhead found herself twiddling her fingers nervously at that question while Link looked at the farmhand with a raised eyebrow.

Finally, the only Lon daughter murmured out, "Have you heard of the Legendary Bra of Serenity?"

Link just blinked in return, like everytime he hears something that everyone else knows about.

"Ask a stupid question..." Zelda rolled her eyes.

"Fine," Malon grumbled, "I'll give a little history lesson in Hylian mystical undergarments." The redhead seemed to hink for a moment before the Princess elbowed her to continue, "Right, well, the very first Queen of this land was a silver-haired woman named Serenity and from little that I can remember and learned of late she was a kind ruler who only was able to pop out one daughter.

"But as one of the few remaining records stated she had a... little problem." Malon said with a slight smile on her face, "a back problem that was caused, by all things, her overly way too big for her frame, breasts." Link just stared at her questionly and a little impatiently.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm getting there. Anyways, Her head sorceress for whatever reason, either requested or a gift, made this magical bra." She had to giggle a bit at the funny expression on the young man's face.

"Yes Link, she's not joking sadly." The Princess nodded, "you really should read up on the history of this land, even though many of the more interesting books were lost sadly."

"Whatever, just finish this Malon." Link mumbled.

"This special garment was made to fit a woman with modest sized boobs, like Zelda's for a perfect example." Malon smirked as she felt the Princess's hot gaze on her, "what the bra did was, when a woman put the thing on, if her breasts were too big for the cup then the magic would actually shrink the flesh to make a perfect fit." She paused for a moment then added, "and sorceress also seemed to add spell to keep the bra from falling apart of the centeries for, I guess, if any more Queens got the same problem."

"And so goes the story of the Legenary Bra of Serenity was created." The blonde Princess slowly nodded sagely.

"But," Zelda cut in as Link was about to open his mouth, "since the sorceress only made one bra, over the many years many tried to copy the bra's magic but for whoever did create it had made some type of protection spell to stop anyone from fiddling with it."

"But someone did, huh?" Link mused, getting the feeling whatever he was to learn couldn't freak him out anymore then he already was.

"Around hundred years ago, some unknown sorcerer got his grabby little hands on it and somehow twisted the magic."

"Reversed it is a better word to use." Zelda said, then sighed, "and sadly, I didn't know this until after Malon took the bra off."

"She gave it as a gift." Malon softly put in, "but she at the time didn't know about its more recent history and thought it woulnd't do any harm to me."

"Reverse..." The Hylian Hero pondered that for a moment as he thought back on what had been said, then his eyes lit up in realisation.

Reaching over, Zelda put her hand down Malon's back to reach the point where the ageless garment tied in the back and untied it. As she removed her hand, Link's eyes popped open in wonder as he watched Malon's bosom double in size from a moden day B-cup to what you would consider larger then a Double D-cup. Thankfully, the dress had seemed to be made for just this situation though the girl didn't have much breathing room...

"Whoa..."

With a tug, Malon removed the garment and let her now overly bouncy breasts bob around on her chest.

"And like Zelda, we haven't figured out how to get my boobs back to normal and," She glanced at the Princess with a frown, "I gotta put up with those 'Cowgirl' comments from the few people who are in the know." Link eyes had somehow moved away from Malon's jugs to the golden earings she wore that looked like, well, cowbells.

"Overall," Zelda had to smile at what she said next, "we make a fine pair of magical deformed freaks." Malon only sighed as she looked at her pointy nipples bonce up and down.

Silence soon filled the large room, the two women sat on the bed while Link sat on a nearby chair.

Wonder if he's staring at my boobs again, thought Malon.

I wonder if he wants to try me anyways, thought Zelda.

Damn I'm feeling hot right now, thought the both of them.

"So..." Link finally said, glancing at each of the two women, "how will we work this out."

Both Zelda and Malon looked at each other, the Princess licked her lips nervously as she could feel her member stiffen little by little, while Malon's milktanks continued to jiggle on their merry way as she considered the situation.

"Um, well, have you ever heard of the word, oh what was it again..." Zelda thought for a moment, then snapped her fingers smiling, "now I remember, I read it from an old book." Both Link and Malon looked at her questionly.

"The term is thresome, right?"

Link just looked at her in shock, Malon on the other hand looked thoughtful.

"I never considered that option but it could work I think," The redhead said, nodding slowly, "don't know anyone who's had one, getting a third partner is hard but since..." She nodded to Zelda who nodded back.

"And that way Link can still marry you officially, and not have to worry about you not having the right equipment."

"Yes," Zelda nodded back, "and since you don't mind taking it up your backside-" Link's eyes, which were already wide in horror as his future was planned before him, went even more painfully wide, "-we shouldn't have any troubles in the bedroom department."

"Um, excuse me?" Link finally piped up with a weak voice, "do I, um, get a say in what or who I sleep with?"

"No." Came the firm reply from the two Hylian women.

"And besides, fairy boy," Malon raised an reddish eyebrow, "are you saying being in bed with two girls... well one and half I guess yo ucould say, but being able to fondle two women and allowed to touch these two mountains doesn't turn you on?"

"He certainly can't be gay, not the way he reacted to me..." Zelda murmured softly to herself, thought not quite enough for Link or Malon to hear.

"HEY! I'm not g-"

"Then I think I'll accept your offer Link." Zelda announced, "and to seal this secret union..." She turned to Malon, who had a wicked look on her face, a look though unfamiliar to Link it was all-too familiar to the Princess of Hyrule.

"Oh this should be fun!" Smirked the redhead as she pulled off her dress...

Link soon found himself, with just more then his hands full for the rest of that evening.

The End?  
...only if your nice!

Author notes:  
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Did I just write all that crap just then or am I dreaming again? In any case, dreaming or not its been some time since I've released anything Zelda wise. Its true I've been dabbling in writing other stuff of late but this little warped idea just wouldn't go away and needed to be written.

But I'm guessing some of you are disappointed that I didn't go further and type some nasty lemon scene where we see what a Malon sandwich looks like!

Right now I don't have any inspiration for a lemon part but don't rule it out, considering my past when it cums to lemons I enjoy writing them though sadly I haven't written a Zelda one yet.

Time to wrap these notes up. All suggestion are welcome, and if you review this I'll give you a cookie. If you see bad grammer and spelling, then you know why I don't write so much.

KoalaKiller Start Date - December Revision 1 - 9th of December, 2005

New Website coming soon... 


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